So I know it’s kind of cheesy to post a video of the tragedy that is Jon & Kate + 8, but I’m addicted to gossip websites and somehow ended up watching this. Since my own wedding is in a little over a month I’ve been paying closer attention to the lives of the married people around me, or in this case, the lives of married people on cable television. This video is a bite sized homage to the beginning of their relationship, before eight kids and a shitty reality tv show could have even been imagined. (If you’ve been living under a rock, it just came out that the Jon & Kate marriage is a disaster right now and they’ve both been accused of cheating)
After watching, I was immediately shameful of the last couple of weeks I’ve spent enjoying the voyeuristic drama of watching this all unfold over blogs and bad late night television. And after that… well, I thought about how it must feel to watch your lives crash down on you on every magazine cover. I considered how exhausted and defeated I’ve felt in the aftermath of infidelity in my own relationships, and how much more devastating it would feel to me after committing to someone for a lifetime.
If you can decode all of that blather I think it boils down to this: I am scared shitless of marriage. I’m not good at trust, I’m not good at being open with someone, I’m not good at relationships in general. How exactly am I supposed to turn that into a successful “forever”?
Jitters are here. Find me a bottle of strong liquor and take cover.
(Also, because I cannot keep it inside any longer… get a fucking haircut, Kate. I know you think you’re the shit, mostly because you’ve been on every channel telling me about how everyone loves your books and wants your hair, but you look like a geriatric anime character. I’m just saying.)
I’m scared shitless of marriage too. I think most people are.
The possibilities for wonderful moments and memories seem worth it to me.